Although a relatively “new kid on the block”, as far as Great Massingham Tennis Club is concerned, I have amassed a number of observations and magic moments which I think warrant sharing with my new play mates.

In this first issue, I am going to highlight the topic of “APPAREL”.

Turning back of clocks, at the end of October, brings with it shorter playtime, a chill in the air and a lowering of hemlines. Shorts and miniskirts gradually give way to bobble hats and long pants.

The old die hards however, stubbornly and stoically persist throughout the wintry season and remain in short garb; insisting that anything above three degrees Celsius is perfectly tropical…… You are fooling no one with that collection of goose bumps on display.

Footwear is an area where individuals can make a statement. Whiter than white harks back to an era when little more than a minute coloured logo was allowed on court if you wanted to keep hold of your membership. New plimsolls every other month suggests either more money than sense or an unwillingness to admit that poor performance is not due to choice of footwear. Loud coloured shoelaces and your car registration number embroidered on pumps would suggest low self esteem and a propensity to get oneself noticed. (Pop down to your GP and up the dosage on those tablets if that is the case).

Low flying sunlight brings out the designer sunglasses: Prada, Gucci, Poundland etc. For those of you unwilling to adopt specialised eye wear, a Mexican sombrero makes for a good alternative.

Special dates in the calendar brings out the more ebullience in some of our members in the form of fancy dress. Halloween saw a coven of witches all vying for the much coveted Ladies Singles trophy – a rather magnificently freshly carved pumpkin. Christmas too, effused Santas, elves and sparkle. A note of caution in this field of make believe; it is recommended you ensure in advance that others will also turn up at a competition in similar dress code. One solitary elf maketh NOT a Santa’s grotto – an embarrassing situation reminiscent from the film – Bridget Jones Diary!

And; just when you think you have seen it all, one of our equestrian number tips up sporting green wellies, fresh steaming horse manure to boot.

Next time, I will be exploring “How to cope with being aced”

Written by Annette Court; Edited by Miss Ena Racquet; Illustrations by Nicholas Player

Did you know?

The most common view by historians is that tennis was a crude courtyard ball game invented by 11th or 12th century French monks. Henry VIII was so enthralled, he had his own indoor court built at Hampton Court Palace in 1625. A keen sportsman himself in his slimmer days, it is perhaps doubtful that any opponent however noble dared to beat him!